There is a core belief I have held that needs to be released.
The belief that my creativity needs to be earned.
Needs to be valued, ie, paid for, in order for it to be valid.
I am not sure where this belief came from really. From a young age I wanted to be a writer. Somewhere along the line I believed I needed to have a “real” job until I got my big writer’s break and was given a writing contract thus solidifying my happily-ever-after.
I started out as a nursing major in college and quickly realized that was not where I belonged. I tried journalism and life (thankfully) knocked me off that road as well. And over the years I have grown up, bought houses, married, had children am raising and homeschooling said children all the while in the back of my mind trying to figure out how to validate my creativity.
That is, to be paid for it and making myself a “real” writer and a “real” artist.
I was talking with my (turning 12 this week) year-old son the other day. He was showing me the comic books he’s been working on. The characters he’s created, the back stories, telling me the story arcs he has planned. At one point I mentioned selling them someday and he just shrugged and said, “eh, I kind of just want these to be for me you know?”
Just for him. I smiled and told him how great that was.
And that little phrase has been running around my head now for the past week.
“Just for me.”
What would it look like if I made art just for me?
If I didn’t stop and think about how this sketch would get me better at drawing faces so I could sell those stickers I had in mind.
If I didn’t silently chastise myself each and every day for not making strides toward my creative career.
I had an astrology reading done recently by KV. You can check out her Substack here (if you want your birth chart done I highly recommend her-she’s amazing!). In this reading she writes about how before I can share my spiritual gifts I need to walk the walk first, need to really go through the process myself so that I understand what it is I am going to be sharing.
Our creativity is just like that. First and foremost creativity is for the creator. It’s the way we understand what we experience in the world. It’s how we make sense of the random thoughts and ideas that stream into our conscious and dreaming minds. (Dragons anyone? No? Just me?).
We create worlds so that we can play in them. See what’s missing and add it. We get to know our way around our sketchbooks and our creative practice and that learning, that refining, that play is what brings us into alignment with our creative selves.
Whether or not we do anything more with it is a question for another day.
So, if like me you are chastising yourself for what your current creative practice looks like. If maybe you are thinking you should be doing more with it. Making it something else, I hope this is a quiet little reminder to do something just for you this week. I know I am.
Until next time…
-Michele, aka The Dreaming Dilettante
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Huh, wait, I can do that!
