Time to Myself….What to Do?

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I am sitting at my kitchen table. The ceiling fan is on creating a gorgeous breeze as the windows are open bringing spring indoors. Probably a few bugs as well since almost all of our windows are original to our 120 year-old house. Still, it’s my favorite time of year.

I do love fall and winter equally but for very different reasons. I love the coziness, the hunkering down that comes with the chilling off of the weather. I love snuggling up with a cozy blanket and a warm drink. I love putting the storm windows down and retreating within. I love crisp walks in the cold, red noses and watching the snow fall.

And then I love the spring. As those same storm windows go up, screens come down and windows are open. I love the first time you can step outside without a coat and when the sun shines bright enough that you remember what it’s like to be hot again.

My days are usually simple and similar. I like to keep my schedule clear and move from one moment to the next enjoying what is presented in front of me. Or at least trying to. I admit that this does prove to be a challenge when you are part of a family, especially a family with little ones. My creative, introverted self has been seeking some retreat time. Solo time in the house where I can explore with a bit more depth (i.e. time) my creativity and really to just be. This month my husband is taking the kiddos for a little vacation and I will be on my own for 2 days.

My first thought was, “What am I going to do?”

There is pressure sometimes isn’t there? Pressure to make plans or to make things extraordinary. I have been looking for a little break like this for quite literally years and now that it is coming I feel a bit unsure. My brain initially was asking about my plans-telling me I have to make the most of this time and just do everything I want to do.

I listen, get caught up in it’s thinking for a minute before smiling and reminding the mind just who I am. How I hate plans, I don’t like big deals and I much prefer living fully within the little moments.

So my plan is to make no plans but to make lots of containers.

I was really introduced to the concept of energetic containers by Andrea Schroeder. The idea that, for an example, if your workspace is clean and ready to go it’s a container waiting for you to make art. You could really take this in lots of directions. If your car is cleaned and full of gas it’s a container for a road trip. So for me, I am not setting any lofty expectations for my mini-artistic retreat (other than naming it, “Michele’s Mini-Artistic Retreat”).

When I was first dipping my toes into homeschooling I read about how you can leave interesting things around the house for kids to discover. Books, toys, etc where you aren’t telling the kids they have to read this book then use these blocks to build a house but rather you are giving them access to these things that they could do with however they feel inspired to. They may use the books to build with and the blocks become characters.

That’s what I am going to do for myself. Leave lots of goodies and spaces ready for me to play in.

I was planning on taking part in a studio clean out that is happening over at Jennibellie’s Journal Workshops but that’s not happening until June and I really want to pretty up my space for my little retreat. No worries though, I am a really messy artist and pretty sure the creative corner will need another clear out come June 🙂

I am thinking I might have some audio books ready, podcasts ready, playlists ready and my work stations prepped and ready to go. My car will be clean in case I want to go for a drive and the house will be clean with candles at the ready and probably some incense.

I am going to create containers that I can pick and choose from as I wish, moving from moment to moment. I might not make anything creative. I might not read one book or plant one flower. I might take naps and binge watch other people making art and planting flowers.

And that’s ok.

I might make amazing pieces of art, record some podcasts and write some blog posts. I might fill the garden with flowers, go for walks in the woods and take fabulous photos of what I see. I might go on my own little adventure or finish my book.

And that’s ok.

I might come up with something completely different than anything I can think of right now.

And that’s ok.

I don’t want to add pressure to myself to cram into 2 days the dreams I hold. Instead, I am hoping to listen to myself-really listen to what I need without interruption. I want to give myself the grace to experience this different way of being without rules or expectations and to just float from moment to moment.

And maybe, just maybe, bring more of that back to the everyday.

Until next time…

-Michele, aka The Dreaming Dilettante

P.S.

I would love to hear what you would do with 2 days free to play and make art. Please comment below. I also am thinking of sharing my creative corner clean up with you so please let me know if that interests you.

Podcasts, Postcards and Playing

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Happy Monday.

I am sitting in a sun filled room, at a messy desk with a cup of tea that is getting cold. There are lots of things I should be doing. I probably should be starting dinner. I should probably fold and put away some laundry. I should probably clean something-or a hundred somethings. I should probably be outside getting some fresh air.

Instead I am doing what I am feeling.

I am feeling that some time with my creativity is where my attention needs to be right now.
I am feeling that tea can be reheated, laundry can always be folded and there will always be something to clean.
So those things can wait.

I am feeling that the call of my creativity really and truly matters.
I am feeling that I have spent far too much of my adult life doing what other people said I should be doing instead of following through on what I was feeling called to do.

I am feeling that that no external validation of me, my work or how I spend my time is needed for it to be a value. For it to be important to the world in ways I could not possibly know or understand.

I am feeling that when one person chooses to do what they are truly called to do they make, in that very moment, magic that ripples out into the world and changes things for the better.

I am feeling that when a creative person does their thing the energy of that inspires countless others to follow suit-like an energetic ripple that tears through the Universe, unseen but felt.

And that each time that ripple touches another and they also choose to do their thing that they also send out a ripple. And so on and so on.

I believe these creative ripples can spread faster than any viral video and best of all-hold lots more staying power. This is where change initiates. This is the fertile soil where dream seeds are planted and hope is inspired in others. Creativity does all this. It matters. Yes yours matters.

Even if you don’t share it with anyone.
Even if no one hearts it or thumbs it.
You see, each moment that a creative person does what they were put here to do-they make magic true and real.
They start the movement of giant cosmic gears to shift and change and bring about light, love and joy.
Your creativity matters so much. Even if you don’t think it does-it does.
It matters to you.
It matters to me.

Here’s to play time.

Until next time…

–Michele, aka The Dreaming Dilettante

P.S.

I recorded a new podcast today. You can listen here if you like.

Meeting My Inner Critic

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Today I read a blog post over on Laura Bray’s blog where she talks about her inner critic. It’s a fabulous post and if you are struggling with your own inner critic you might fight some company in her words.

It started me thinking about my own inner critic. I am not new to critic work (and if you would like some assistance on working with and identifying your own inner critic I highly recommend Andrea Schroeder’s work).

I’ve become aware the past few years of the voice that speaks to me all day long.
She’s not kind.
In fact, if she was a person that I interacted with on a daily basis I am pretty sure our relationship would have ended shortly after it began. Perhaps with a few choice words on my part.

Since she is part of me the separation is a bit more difficult. After reflecting on Laura’s post I started to think about my inner critic and how she shows up in my life.

My inner critics pop up in the guise of people I know and are based on what I am doing in the moment. If my house is a mess my inner critic shows up as the person I know would NEVER let her house get messy like that because she is disciplined, structured and routine-all things I am not. Also according to my inner critic my lack of discipline and routine is the very reason for anything unwanted that ever happens to me. If I am short tempered or cranky she shows up as the smiling friend who never let anything get her upset and just let everything roll right off her back. Sometimes she is a chastising mother figure telling me I am not good enough. It doesn’t quite matter the situation or what I am trying to do or avoid doing but it all seems to boil down to my not being good enough. My not being good enough means I am not ready which means just hold off a little longer to do that thing so we can be good enough and ready.

Who knew my inner critic was such a procrastinator?

Of course our inner critics are just the scared parts of ourselves. The parts that want us to stay safe and quiet over there reading our book or maybe writing poetry.  Not poetry to share mind you, just quietly writing in a notebook never to see the light of day. After all if we write poetry and share poetry people might write unkind things about it. And they did. I self-published a chapbook of my poetry and I was amazed at the beautiful and wonderful support I received from my friends and fellow writers from the writers group I was part of at that time. I had a beautiful book launch and felt very supported and loved.

Of course there were the snide comments that came online. The ones that tend to accompany a star rating of some kind. They hurt I won’t pretend they didn’t and it was moments like that where my inner critic was given some real ground to stand on. Of course there are a million reasons she tells me not to share my work.

*Your art isn’t good enough-no one as ever complimented your art ever. (except my 7 year-old son who tells everyone that his Mommy is a real artist).

*That piece looks too much like that other artist-only not as good and you don’t want to get sued for copyright. (even when the art does not look like the other artist and it is my own unique work).

*What if you write something and that person reads it? You know what it’s going to be like the next time you see them? Then they will know you believe in this or that and you know they don’t agree with that kind of thing. You are going to make everyone mad at you.

There is a big one right? Making people upset. I am a people pleaser whole and true. I grew up with an entire family of people who really only cared about how they felt and what was happening to them so there were lots of arguments. I learned I was good at peace-making and everyone really liked it when Michele made the peace by giving in. I liked seeing them happy (for once) so I kept doing it. After all it was so much easier to give in what I really wanted rather than sit and listen to arguing all day. I could never listen to my New Kids on the Blocks tapes that way.

As I have grown and had kids of my own I have tried to be the positive voice in their head. To be the one that is cheering them on rather than the one telling them they can’t or they shouldn’t. What I am realizing now is that we aren’t conditioned by the voices we hear over and over again. We are conditioned by the voices we believe. You can tell someone they are amazing and if they don’t believe it their inner critic voice will be much louder than yours.

I don’t blame anyone else for my own inner critics. We are all just muddling around this life doing what we know how to do the best way we know how to do it. I am sure I am someone else’s negative voice at times whether by my actions or their perceptions. The trick is realizing that we can write a new soundtrack to our lives. One that builds us up when we are doing something. “Your house is a mess! You never were very disciplined at keeping things neat.” Can be responded with, “I know but look at all the fun we had! And my ability to live in the present moment is what makes me happy and my life unique and colorful.”

“That art is never going to sell-you totally messed up this sketch and should have left it alone-you always color in to much!” Can be met with, “I am making art which is something I love to do so by extension I am making more love to go out into the world-that’s an amazing gift!”

Perhaps, over time our inner critics will relax a bit and realize we are already safe and that the opinions or thoughts of others don’t define who we are. The truth is we are so much more than even we can realize or accept and we are the ones who get to define our lives.

Here’s to a weekend of making messes, playing with words and color and maybe wearing some red lipstick-no matter what Maude thinks 🙂

-Until next time…

-Michele, aka The Dreaming Dilettante

Little Books of Words: Writing Words Part 1

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The house has a chill to it. Spring has turned cold again reminding me that nature is forever changing and shifting and moving forward. Spring reminds me that we need to be present in the now and not take for granted that because something has been labeled one way it will act in a certain way.

Not seasons, not people. We are all forever changing and shifting and growing.  Perhaps meeting ourselves (and those around us) new each time might open the door for magic.

I was inspired today to write a poem. I pulled out my little planner that is more journal than planner and jotted down a few small words. It was clear that this little poem of mine was perfect for my Little Book of Words so I jotted it down-my first entry. I would love to share it with you.

“As the Garden Grows…”
As the garden grows
some plants wither some plants bloom
some birds arrive some fly away
sun shines
rain falls
snow blankets the earth
all as
the garden grows.

What is in your little book of words? Please feel free to share below.

Until next time…

-Michele, aka The Dreaming Dilettante

 

Music by Joystock – https://www.joystock.org

 

 

 

Weekly Doodles #2: Video

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I am back today with another weekly doodle session. I am not sure if I will do this every week-consistency and routine is not a virtue of mine. I am however, enjoying the challenge of making little sketches of what I have been up to in the week.

Art shows us so much. It highlights the voices in our heads-sometimes the critical ones that whisper, “you aren’t going to share that are you?” I try to remind this voice that creativity is what we love and what we share not perfection.

This week I am greatly inspired by artist Mindy Lacefield. She does wonderful sketchbook pages adding stickers, washi and pulling them all together with color. I keep that in mind a bit here as I play with some of my newer materials and blend in a few stickers and some her washi.

This week we picked up groceries-including some really yummy french bread.  I went for a few drives in my minivan which I loved, worked in my garden and my 2 youngest had a blast sledding down the giant mulch pile we had delivered in our driveway. I also took part in a zoom call for Mindy’s sticker club which was just so much fun that I had to draw a little sticker book. I also ordered some goodies for Easter so I added a little Easter basket as well.

I colored everything in and had lots of fun with the colors. I would love to tell you that I have a pink minivan but I do not. White however wasn’t really something I could color so I added some whimsy and painted my van my favorite color.

The same is true for my garden fence-it is not pink although I am thinking a pink fence would look beautiful-what do you think? I also don’t have an arbor-yet but it’s in the works for this year.

Have you done any doodling of your week? Having fun and not worrying about it being an exact representation can really make your art so much more enjoyable and interesting. I would love to hear what you are working on.

This week I decided to film my little process and share with you. I sped everything up and added some music so if you have a few minutes why not pull out some of your favorite art supplies and play along?

Until next time…

-Michele, aka The Dreaming Dilettante

Little Books of Words: Making Your Book

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I love making books.

I especially love making books out of upcycled materials-namely cardboard boxes. I first learned to this from watching one of Jennibellie’s YouTube videos and I couldn’t believe that I could make a book using a cereal box. (I link to her channel in my resource section in the sidebar if you want to check it out-she has some amazing tutorials!

Over the years I have tried lots of ways. Some fancy, some simple. In fact I have gotten to a point where I can’t look at a box and think about weather or not it would make a great journal or not.

Yesterday I was looking at a box I had saved and thought it would be a perfect journal to make for my Little Books of Words series. If you aren’t familiar with that-check out the original post here.

Now I am not sure what this book will hold but I am thinking a bit of collage combined with some words. Maybe even collaged words? I don’t know but I had fun making it whether it’s going to hold poetry, collage or photos your journal can be totally unique to you.

Making the journal isn’t hard and you can use materials you already have on hand-especially ones you have rescued from your recycling bin. In this video I am showing you how to use a regular box as is for the journal but if you would like to see some options-if perhaps you don’t have a box ready to go-please comment below I would be happy to make a video for you.

If you make your own “Little Book of Words” please share it with me I would love to see it! Your book can hold anything-favorite quotes, fun things people said, lists of places you would like to go or things you would like to do-there are no limits. I hope you enjoy the video!


Until Next Time…

-Michele, aka The Dreaming Dilettante

Music by Joystock – https://www.joystock.org