The Difference Between What We Can Do & What’s Healthy

I wrote this blog post for myself. I needed to clarify some things and re-connect with my truth. Writing has always been my way to do that. I decided to share it because it’s raw and truthful and I thought it might resonate with others and perhaps help. Sometimes seeing into someone else’s process can be helpful and affirming. So with that in mind, here’s today’s post:

I have been thinking a lot lately about the difference between what we can do versus what is healthy and beneficial for us to do.

As a recovering people-pleaser, it’s always been hard for me to say no to things. My life has always been surrounded by people who knew they only had to challenge my “no” a bit and I would see that I could, in fact, cancel my plans to help them out of their dire situation.

Their situations were always dire. Mine were always of my own doing and “what did I think would happen.”

When I was in high school I started having bouts of exhaustion which as a female and a teenager was sort of dismissed as hormones or rebellion. I went down the road of medical testing and was assured I was fine. In my twenties, it became worse and by then the medical community had grown and decided that an anti-depressant would fix me. I am grateful that I think so differently from the rest of the mainstream that I refused. I wasn’t sleeping all day because I was depressed but I was getting pretty depressed about my lack of energy.

Over the next 4 years, I found I had Adrenal Fatigue and since at the time medical doctors just stared at me over the prescription pads when I mentioned it I found myself going down the naturopathic route. I told my husband one day, “that’s it, I need to be the one to fix this.”

And I did.

Fixing it looked like my revamping my life, recognizing what I could do and what I couldn’t do regardless of what the rest of the world kept saying I should be able to do.

Did you ever notice how quick the world is to tell you what to do but how they shrug their shoulders when you ask for help?

I have.

You see, there are societal norms and I get it but I think we can all agree to some level that society is pretty crap right now. If I paid more attention in history class I am sure I could argue that society has always been crap.

Whenever we believe we are experts on how another should live we are crap and that’s the truth. I am constantly seeing the reinforcement of this truth: we are all meant to walk a unique path. The worst thing we do for each other is to try and fit in with the masses. And when the masses are all clambering off the side of a hilltop together plummeting to our deaths we point fingers at one another because “I was just doing what you told me.”

I’m tired of the voices in my head that have been whispering to me of how I should do this or that. I am tired of reading articles with 10 steps to be like everyone else.

What does anyone out there know about my happiness? I have been studying it for 41 years and still get tripped up sometimes.

You see, today I was thisclose to making a life-altering decision. A decision I have been saying I would not do under any circumstances because I knew how miserable it would make me. Even though I technically could do it if I went ahead and canceled all the life plans I have made. If I was a completely different person and wouldn’t be a ruined cranky mess for choosing someone else’s happiness over my own.

That’s what we are supposed to do right?
We are supposed to not care at all about what makes us happy because someone else needs us.

That’s crap too by the way.

A society of unique, powerful, beautiful creators walking around making themselves small, cutting off their own truth and happiness because someone is telling them the things they are supposed to care about.

Maybe that’s why we are always mad and fighting one another.

I am sad that I can’t do something to make life easier for another person. I recognize what it would mean to them if I put aside my dreams and the life I have built to help them. I wish I could do it.

Actually if I am wishing for things I wish they wouldn’t need me to do it.

But I believe in choices. I believe we all have them, millions of them all the time every day floating around us. I believe as long as our eyes open and we have breath in our lungs that we can choose to shift our perspective and make changes in our own lives. I do.

Helping others should never weaken the person that is doing the helping. We are meant to help each other in such a way that it strengthens both of us.

So I am sharing this post to help. You aren’t alone if the idea of saying no to someone breaks your heart. Especially if you love them.

It’s ok to choose you.
Regardless of what they may say, they too made choices.
Choices that lead them to where they are now.
We are all given choices in this life.

I believe we are meant to help how and when we can. That choosing to step fully into our best selves in the best way for us to help each other and the world as a whole. No one would want to live in a house I built because building houses isn’t my strength.

But you may want me to mix cocktails at the housewarming.

We are all strong and capable but in very different ways. Never feel ashamed if you strengths look very different than others.

The world needs that now.

Sending you much love,

Michele, aka The Dreaming Dilettante

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