I am sitting in bed getting over a pretty bad round of illness that had me quite miserable the past few days. While I am by no means all better, I am grateful that I am now able to write, sit, read and recuperate rather than just lay in bed drifting in and out of fitful sleep.
Even when it all has it’s purpose.
2017 brought somethings directly to the forefront for me in the most simple and beautiful way. I have spent the past 3 years going through a very strong transformation and it all seemed to culminate with 2017.
I realize now that the only thing I truly want in this life is a cozy home in the woods. Just myself and my beautiful (and now growing 🙂 family. Outside the home I want there to be woods to wander, trees to sit under and berries to pick. I want simplicity. I want my amazing husband to not have to leave every day to go to work. I want the beautiful days I have carved out for myself and my children to extend to him as well. I want us all to know the peace and the power that comes from being able to cultivate our days as we choose.
My home in the woods has been a part of me for years. Quietly it sits there waiting for my arrival. At times I have believed I needed to do something first to be able to achieve that house. I needed to get a grip on my finances more, I needed to stop buying things, I needed to be better at cleaning. All of these chastising thoughts led me to believe the person I was right now did not deserve this beautiful home and this peaceful life.
Of course I did. Of course we all do.
Whether you dream of a cottage in the woods or a loft in Manhattan you, right now in this very moment deserve it. You need not become more or be more to “earn” it. I would love to scratch the expression “you need to earn…” from the English language. We are all worthy of all we could imagine in this moment. We never need to earn anything, only align to it and oh my doesn’t that just feel so much better?
What I have decided to do now is dedicate 2018 to laying the groundwork for my move to my cottage in the woods. I am preparing myself, my home and my life for this amazing new chapter. I am going to view 2018 as my year to explore, to dig in actively with my life and get my hands dirty a bit as I unearth and dig around and clear out any old things that no longer need to be here so that packing will be a breeze (both literally and metaphorically).
The most important thing I have learned is that I need not change who I am. I do not need to become anything new or start doing things to prove my worth. I don’t need to drop 10 pounds or gain more money. I am enough right now. The decisions and choices I have made so far are what allowed me to create this beautiful new life in my mind and that alone is enough. After all how could I be undeserving of a life I was able to create out of thin air?
Here’s to be worthy just as we are.